Background:
The interviewer was strapped to a chair. He was in a secluded room, only lit by a single light bulb. He didn’t know what was happening; last thing he remembered, he was in bed asleep, satisfied with his interview with Roger Chillingworth. Now he was strapped down on a metal chair with no escape. Four shadowy figures approached him. He began to scream for help…
“Geez calm down, mister.”
He stopped momentarily. It sounded like a little girl’s voice. It sounded really familiar.
Wait, please don’t tell me… He thought.
The four figures revealed themselves, and what a surprise it was! It was Hester Prynne, Pearl Prynne, Roger Chillingworth, and Arthur Dimmesdale!
“Before you begin to ask us why you are here and why the four of us are here all together, how about you answer the questions we have to say first?” Pearl said in a cheerful manner.
The interviewer nodded without hesitation.
“Good,” Pearl mischievously smiled, “let us start the interview.”
Interview of the Interviewer:
“The rules of this interview are that we ask you questions. You do not. Do not question our questions or the current situation alright?” Pearl said.
“Err, okay…” the interviewer replied.
*****
Pearl: So, what did you think about our story? And by story I mean the conflict all four of us experienced?
Interviewer (a bit confused): Ummm, it was boring, really. You sure know how to make a plot obnoxious. No, offence or anything. I mean, Hester, you seem to be a bit oblivious and blinded by love. Pearl, you are quite the oddball. Chillingworth, you are basically Satan’s son. And Dimmesdale you really are big weenie; I recommend a restaurant called Super Weenie Hut Juniors.
(All four of them looked offended. Chillingworth began to have thoughts of strangling this annoying interviewer)
Hester (feeling hopeful): Did you happen to at least see some positive qualities of me?
Interviewer: Honestly, I did. I do appreciate your passion and kindness. You did change people’s view of you. The Scarlet Letter embroidered on your chest changed its meaning from Adultery to Able. I also respect your bravery of exposing yourself to society and not really caring about it.
Hester (smiling): Thank you.
Dimmesdale: What about me? Do you see anything positive with me?
Interviewer: I guess. You are a religious person.
Dimmesdale: …… Is that it?
Interviewer: Oh no, wait. I take that back. You don’t deserve to be considered a religious man. You been hiding your sins for SEVEN years. You are not even brave enough to confess them to God! You have lied to the public about it. You never even took public shame together with Hester. You never went on the scaffold with her!
Dimmesdale (looking as if he was stabbed): T-that…is true.
Interviewer: If it makes you feel better, I’ll give you discount coupons to Super Weenie Hut Juniors.
(Dimmesdale walks away to go sulk in a corner. The atmosphere begins to feel awkward.)
Chillingworth: Ignore that one. He recently began to do that all the time. Anyway, why do you view me as Satan’s son, you retched scamp?
Interviewer: Well, you are sadistic. You love to torture others. I mean, you seem to have fun shriveling the soul of a “religious man.” Okay, I don’t see him as one, but in general, it’s a wrong thing to do. Also you left your wife for 2 YEARS! Who does that?!
Chillingworth (almost yelling): I object to your statement.
Interviewer: And I object to your objection.
Chillingworth: I really want to mangle you right now.
Interviewer: Try me.
(While the two were bickering)
Hester: Pearl, aren’t you going to ask why he thinks you are an “oddball.”
Pearl: Nope. He’s not wrong. I stood out from the rest of the public. I was known to be the demon child because I was born from sinful ground. They saw my behavior as odd too, and I don’t really mind.
Pearl (in a loud tone): Anyway, I have two more questions to ask of you. (The two weren’t listening) WILL YOU TWO PLEASE STOP BICKERING!
(The two quiet down and look at each other with irritated facial expressions.)
Pearl: First, question, mister. What does the Scarlet Letter mean to you?
Interviewer: Let’s see… As a whole, in my opinion, the Scarlet Letter is an undetermined symbol. It shows the meaninglessness of society’s system of judgment and punishment. It may represent Hester’s crime of adultery, as well, but over the course of years its meaning begins to change into something positive.
Pearl: Interesting.
Interviewer: And, umm, the second question?
Pearl: Oh! Right! Who is your favorite?
Interviewer: Favorite? As in favorite character?
Pearl: Yep.
Interviewer: Oh, that’s easy! You, Pearl.
Pearl (looking a bit surprised): Really, me? Why?
Interviewer: Well, you stand out. You are the most interesting character in the story. Your actions may be a little bit questionable, but it is with purpose. Like that one time, where Dimmesdale expressed his sins to the public before he died. It was you who gave Dimmesdale the courage to finally confess his sins to society. Really, you ARE the Pearl of wisdom.
Pearl: Why, thank you.
Interviewer: Uh, are we finally done?
Pearl: Yup!
Chillingworth: Does that mean that I can finally mangle this scoundrel?
Interviewer: No, I would rather not.
Pearl (smiling): Sure.
Interviewer: Wai—HUH?!
*****
The interviewer opened his eyes. He was back in his bed. For a moment, he was confused, but then realized it was just a bad dream.
Oh, thank goodness, he thought.
~Diego Lopez
The interviewer was strapped to a chair. He was in a secluded room, only lit by a single light bulb. He didn’t know what was happening; last thing he remembered, he was in bed asleep, satisfied with his interview with Roger Chillingworth. Now he was strapped down on a metal chair with no escape. Four shadowy figures approached him. He began to scream for help…
“Geez calm down, mister.”
He stopped momentarily. It sounded like a little girl’s voice. It sounded really familiar.
Wait, please don’t tell me… He thought.
The four figures revealed themselves, and what a surprise it was! It was Hester Prynne, Pearl Prynne, Roger Chillingworth, and Arthur Dimmesdale!
“Before you begin to ask us why you are here and why the four of us are here all together, how about you answer the questions we have to say first?” Pearl said in a cheerful manner.
The interviewer nodded without hesitation.
“Good,” Pearl mischievously smiled, “let us start the interview.”
Interview of the Interviewer:
“The rules of this interview are that we ask you questions. You do not. Do not question our questions or the current situation alright?” Pearl said.
“Err, okay…” the interviewer replied.
*****
Pearl: So, what did you think about our story? And by story I mean the conflict all four of us experienced?
Interviewer (a bit confused): Ummm, it was boring, really. You sure know how to make a plot obnoxious. No, offence or anything. I mean, Hester, you seem to be a bit oblivious and blinded by love. Pearl, you are quite the oddball. Chillingworth, you are basically Satan’s son. And Dimmesdale you really are big weenie; I recommend a restaurant called Super Weenie Hut Juniors.
(All four of them looked offended. Chillingworth began to have thoughts of strangling this annoying interviewer)
Hester (feeling hopeful): Did you happen to at least see some positive qualities of me?
Interviewer: Honestly, I did. I do appreciate your passion and kindness. You did change people’s view of you. The Scarlet Letter embroidered on your chest changed its meaning from Adultery to Able. I also respect your bravery of exposing yourself to society and not really caring about it.
Hester (smiling): Thank you.
Dimmesdale: What about me? Do you see anything positive with me?
Interviewer: I guess. You are a religious person.
Dimmesdale: …… Is that it?
Interviewer: Oh no, wait. I take that back. You don’t deserve to be considered a religious man. You been hiding your sins for SEVEN years. You are not even brave enough to confess them to God! You have lied to the public about it. You never even took public shame together with Hester. You never went on the scaffold with her!
Dimmesdale (looking as if he was stabbed): T-that…is true.
Interviewer: If it makes you feel better, I’ll give you discount coupons to Super Weenie Hut Juniors.
(Dimmesdale walks away to go sulk in a corner. The atmosphere begins to feel awkward.)
Chillingworth: Ignore that one. He recently began to do that all the time. Anyway, why do you view me as Satan’s son, you retched scamp?
Interviewer: Well, you are sadistic. You love to torture others. I mean, you seem to have fun shriveling the soul of a “religious man.” Okay, I don’t see him as one, but in general, it’s a wrong thing to do. Also you left your wife for 2 YEARS! Who does that?!
Chillingworth (almost yelling): I object to your statement.
Interviewer: And I object to your objection.
Chillingworth: I really want to mangle you right now.
Interviewer: Try me.
(While the two were bickering)
Hester: Pearl, aren’t you going to ask why he thinks you are an “oddball.”
Pearl: Nope. He’s not wrong. I stood out from the rest of the public. I was known to be the demon child because I was born from sinful ground. They saw my behavior as odd too, and I don’t really mind.
Pearl (in a loud tone): Anyway, I have two more questions to ask of you. (The two weren’t listening) WILL YOU TWO PLEASE STOP BICKERING!
(The two quiet down and look at each other with irritated facial expressions.)
Pearl: First, question, mister. What does the Scarlet Letter mean to you?
Interviewer: Let’s see… As a whole, in my opinion, the Scarlet Letter is an undetermined symbol. It shows the meaninglessness of society’s system of judgment and punishment. It may represent Hester’s crime of adultery, as well, but over the course of years its meaning begins to change into something positive.
Pearl: Interesting.
Interviewer: And, umm, the second question?
Pearl: Oh! Right! Who is your favorite?
Interviewer: Favorite? As in favorite character?
Pearl: Yep.
Interviewer: Oh, that’s easy! You, Pearl.
Pearl (looking a bit surprised): Really, me? Why?
Interviewer: Well, you stand out. You are the most interesting character in the story. Your actions may be a little bit questionable, but it is with purpose. Like that one time, where Dimmesdale expressed his sins to the public before he died. It was you who gave Dimmesdale the courage to finally confess his sins to society. Really, you ARE the Pearl of wisdom.
Pearl: Why, thank you.
Interviewer: Uh, are we finally done?
Pearl: Yup!
Chillingworth: Does that mean that I can finally mangle this scoundrel?
Interviewer: No, I would rather not.
Pearl (smiling): Sure.
Interviewer: Wai—HUH?!
*****
The interviewer opened his eyes. He was back in his bed. For a moment, he was confused, but then realized it was just a bad dream.
Oh, thank goodness, he thought.
~Diego Lopez
Aww, he looks so cute when he sleeps.
Retrieved from Google Images